Mr Probz - Waves (Robin Schulz remix)
My feet can’t touch the ground.
Slowly drifting , drifting away - and it feels like I’m drowning…
I wish I can make it easy… easy to love me, love me.
I’m looking for the right words to say.
My faith in friends no longer exists. Every time I give myself hope and tell myself “this time will be different”, “these are genuine friends”, “these people wouldn’t do this to me” - it happens all over again. Every. Single. Time.
So what keeps happening? Is my definition of a friend totally distorted? I’m clearly getting something wrong.
I know that when I make a friend, I’m willing to do a lot for that person to be there for them. I am confident with the way I treat people. And I’ve been told numerously throughout my life that I’m a good person and I’m an even better friend. I know I am valuable to people when they lose me or we fight. I know they feel a void. I’m not trying sound overconfident, but I know myself and I’m content with how I am as a friend. In fact, sometimes I think I’m too good a friend as I’ve been told - to the point that others don’t deserve it.
And yet, I keep getting screwed over. Friends betray me. They talk shit about me. Or treat me like hell. Friends use me and take advantage. They bring drama to my life. Or they simply don’t know me at all.
That’s why I’m starting to realize that the concept of a friend does not actually exist. At least not when you get older and life is a bit harder and requires a ton more effort. People are so easy to drop you in an instant.
Some of the closest people in my life have come and gone. Sure, we have had a few good years, some epic memories, and that’s just about it. What’s even more despicable is that both parties (myself included) are too god damn stubborn to try and fix anything. And the friendship is over. And the vicious cycle continues.
So from now on I’m living my life a little bit differently. I’m going into “friendships” with more caution. I’m no longer going to put my all for people that will probably hurt me. My wall will be an even bigger barrier than ever before. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
From now on, I’m going to consider so-called “friends” as people in my life that I hang out with only, otherwise known as acquaintances.
That’s what also helped me understand not to judge people for their behavior because it was probably a result of something that happened in their past. And that’s my excuse now.
© THEME BY DARLIEECIOUS